My Resolve

As I sit here, struggling to decide the subject of today’s blog, I wonder why I can’t simply choose a place I’ve visited, and let loose all the memories. Flicking through photo after photo, each one instigating fresh waves of nostalgia I think, why can’t I just choose one and go with the flow? I guess the answer to that is I’ve never really been a ‘go with the flow’ type of person. I live for plans and organisation, and only in recent years have I gradually begun to dabble in random fluxes of spontaneity. The result of those random happenings have created some of the fondest memories of my life and also, ironically, are the few times I haven’t thought about taking photographs.

Unplanned concerts, walks, drives, motorbike rides, or simply wandering around a town have become treasured moments, safely stowed away until the time calls for a positive boost. With every spontaneous adventure my yearning for travel increases, so much so that I find myself fantasizing every day about boarding trains and planes to anywhere and everywhere. When I stand in my room, my eyes sweep from corner to corner, taking in my world map, globe, travel journal, and the myriad postcards tacked in a colourful collage to the wall. I feel uplifted, excited, ready. Then it happens, a seed of doubt sprouts in my mind. When will my next adventure be? Where? How long for? Who will I go with?

All at once I am attacked by a wave of anxiety, forcing me back to reality, back to my wannabe traveller bedroom… The maps seem deceitful, all the places I haven’t been leering at me, whilst the postcards remind me of places I merely seemed to fly by. I see my cupboard of clothes, not crammed to bust with exotic items retrieved from foreign lands, but full of work clothes, hoodies, dresses worn once for the odd special occasion, now collecting dust. The anxiety trails away, leaving sadness and defeat. I leave the room, walk downstairs and put on my walking boots. I grab the dog lead and whistle, waiting for the familiar pad of paws. I step outside and breathe, letting the nearby wood scents waft over me. We walk fast, sure-footed and calm, along the woodland trail, and my resolve returns. I will travel, further and further, to places near and far, beautiful and bizarre. Anxiety cannot stop me, my will power is greater.

So this is my resolve, my new year’s resolution, my promise to myself; this year, I will be braver. I will be BRAVE. I will EXPLORE, and I will be HAPPY.

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